I’m afraid that, at this very moment, my ambition is quite unhealthy but necessary because for now my artistry is my only saving grace, my only source of peace—and sometimes, my only source of self-worth (I’ll talk about this more later). But this is why I coined the term—Needy Artistry—as my blog title. My blog title symbolizes who I am at this moment—for as I write this blog post—I have choosen the path of obsession, total and complete absorption in my craft, as I’ve poetically confessed in my prior blog post, This Little Piece (Free-write Poem).
However, a horrible fear of running out of ideas has also emerged from my will to constantly create.
And here’s the truth—in its uncensored and most prosaic glory :
This little creative factory in my head…I don’t want it to run dry…or break down….because if it does… I’d lose everything.
Believe me, I know how silly my fear is but I can’t help/shun the severity of it, for this (my artistry) is truly all I have right now;
If you’ve read my other blog posts you would notice that this one is very different. I’m offering no advice, no entertainment, and not projecting or transforming my feelings and experiences into a fictional story or topical/creative essay. No, I decided that this blog post is going to be as uncreative as I can possibly manage. And this is really hard because I’m a fiction writer… I don’t like getting too personal, and when I do, I try to make it seems as though my own personal feelings are solely ones of my fictional characters. But not today, today I will explain this fear to you in hopes that you can understand/relate to how I feel.
Why am I afraid of losing my creativity?
As I write this…I’m in my 3rd year of university with little-to-no urge to explore the outside world further than my school and my summer job grounds. So my current life is repetitive, somewhat interesting thanks to my few friendships and many hobbies, but yet, still so…mundane.
Student-life is quite tolerable, but definitely not epic.
My creativity is my only epic; it allows me to transport to places I’ve never been, allows me to understand things I’ve never experienced, and allows to showcase my hidden humor and psychoticisms.
Without my ideas, I’m nothing but a boring insane person.
This is why I say that for now my artistry is all I have. Everything else in my life offers no excitement, no escape. I can’t imagine my life without the ability to write creatively, to draw/sketch, to paint, to design, and to brainstorm for new ideas. For if these leave me—at this very moment—they just might take away my sanity too.
What am I doing to overcome my fear of running out of ideas?
- I’m constantly creating, to prove to myself (and a select few) that my obsession with craft is not just a phase. I used to think that I needed to save/hide my ideas from thieves, but I eventually realized that this outlook didn’t help my ambition. It was negative, regressive, and quite selfish. Spontaneous creativity produces a liberating feeling, if, and only if, you allow it to. By constantly creating, I’m letting my invention exist elsewhere (of course, with extensive knowledge of my copyright, ownership rights, distribution rights, etc.).
- I write down my ideas, especially the ones that linger in my mind, refusing to be ignored. I write them down in hopes that they will never run out, and in hopes that they will produce more finished/complete creations.
- I mentally remind myself of my current mantra: “Breathe. Create. Rest.” The chant is specific enough, yet broad enough for it to relate to my everyday life. Breathe represents both a psychological and psysiological type of living— and of relaxation. Create represents my urge to produce art, my will to never be idle, to be always crafting, and always planning. Then rest, as a reminder to myself and others who like/desire progress, that it’s okay to carry on later.
- Never to lie around too long; Rest for an appropriate time, then rise again and begin/finish your tasks.
I’ll update these practical solutions for overcoming the fear of running out or losing creativity if, or rather when, they change. And please, let me know if you have experienced or have helpful tips for this fear.
If you relate to the fear of losing creativity, please, know that you’re not alone.
I’ll post something new on Tuesday!
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- This Little Piece (Free-write Poem)
- Raw Artistry (Celebrating Various Spontaneous / Imperfect Art Forms!)
- Group Counselling Day 1 (Short Story)